People are always asking me, “What’s the capital of South Carolina?” and “What happens when we die?” I don’t like hard questions, especially geography ones, so I’ll field the easy one.
Many religions postulate on what happens when we die so I think I should just be clear: Your body dies and your consciousness is free. Scientists or movie producers speculate that your soul weighs 9 ounces – or something like that – because we all lose that much weight as soon as we die. It’s not much, as far as dieting goals are concerned, but what do you care given the circumstances? Your consciousness is free to float around throughout the world and watch your friends masturbate.
It doesn’t have to be your friends. It can be strangers. It can be your family if you’re weird like that. Just know that if you ever masturbate ghosts are watching. Maybe generations of ancestors and other dead folks. Don’t let that stop you. If you are masturbating right now, there are likely hundreds of ghosts watching. They are wondering why you’re doing that while reading a blog. (Don’t get me wrong – I’m flattered.)
You are not bound to Earth, obviously, since you are a hunk of consciousness made of light. We are free to travel around the universe. Traveling at the speed of light takes years to get anywhere, but who cares? You’ve got plenty of time. I plan to fly across the galaxy to find other civilizations. I want to observe their cultures, admire their technology, appreciate their art, and, of course, watch them masturbate.
Columbia. That’s the capital of South Carolina. I just looked it up. I should have just answered that question.
